Disregarding the Feminine
Destroys the World
‘Okay Mama, we’re listening now.’
Those are the words I dream of hearing, but sadly they are still too far from the truth. The thing is, when you fall half unconscious into a vision and see the fires spread across her burning flesh and feel the truth of her pain in your heart, it’s kind of hard to ignore.
Oh, are the peaceful blue-green images presented from space not real? Why does she look like that in photos and look like this in my mind’s eye? What is she trying to tell me?
Don’t worry, that’s not all she showed me. I saw the hope that came after. The waves of light powered by consciousness bringing her healing. The disappearance of the incessant flying planes that harm her far more than any of us realise. That was pretty much it before I passed out all together. So six months later, having finally processed everything that happened back then, I thought I’d share my story.
It all started in the woods. I’d just cancelled a flight to Washington State for my next big adventure after realising that I had been running from myself my whole life. I guess I knew that it was time to stop, look around and start clearing up the path of destruction I’d been creating since I left home at 16 on a drug and alcohol fueled rampage that lasted for the best part of ten years. Little did I know what this would truly mean. To rebuild parental relationships that didn’t exist, to re-experience a lifetime of trauma that I had buried and dismissed, covering it all up with one endless party. The wounds that had to be uncovered in order to heal, the shadows that had to be witnessed, oh yes, anyone who has experienced a dark night of the soul knows exactly what I’m talking about.
But on a bright day amidst a long, cold winter I was given a little respite.
At the bottom of my parent’s garden, I was wandering through a very magical and special little woodland when I felt a shiver run through my body. I stopped, gazing upwards at the Cedar tree towering above me and discovering her majesty for the first time (without mushrooms). My body tingled some more. I looked to her side and spotted a barely visible pathway meandering through the unkempt forest behind her. I followed it down a steep hill, and before long the woodland opened into the most stunning, crystal clear, piercing blue lake hidden among the trees and seemingly untouched by any other human. The tears came streaming down my cheeks as I realised what had just happened, I’d been spoken to for the first time by the Mother and she’d guided me here. This place would become my haven, a moment of quiet peace to remain undisturbed, away from the continuous stream of hell and healing that my world had become.
After that, my entire life started to fall away. Relationships ended, wobbly structures came tumbling down, everything I had ever known just disappeared. Honestly, the deeper I waded into these waters the more relief I felt. The trees became my new friends, Taoism became my Way and my entire focus shifted to the fascinating and terrifying vast plains of my inner world. Oh the expanse of consciousness reaches very far if you’re willing to put yourself out there, but believe me, without the right guidance, this can be a very dangerous path. This is what I mean when I speak about the importance of being rooted into the Mother.
Once she showed up in full force, nothing was ever the same.
She infiltrated my life by taking many forms. Mother Mary, Mary Jane, Pachamama, Kwan Yin, Kali, The Goddess… just to name a few. She found me in my sexuality as I turned to abstinence and purified my womb and yoni from the inside out through a personal exploration of my own body. We danced through the night, we lay together in the summer flowers, we unlocked the pathways to my true, authentic expression and cleared the karma from my throat chakra. We sewed clothes, dried sage, removed piercings, grew body hair and said goodbye to toxic substances, though they put up a hell of a fight! One night I woke up literally on fire, for real, but that’s another story. Every moment became a ritual, life became a ceremony. I eventually endured the humiliation, judgement and rejection from my former communities with pure delight. Absolutely nothing and nobody could compare to the feeling that she gave me. My Mother, our Mother, taught me what it truly meant to love and be loved by simply holding up a mirror to all the parts of me that were Her.
Then she turned up in the most powerful & magnificent form of all - Enka. So I thought I’d learned about how to love? Now it was time to get unconditional. Wow, the depths I had to reach to find the courage to love this broken little soul who could respond only with deep fear and mistrust. She reflected to me the darkest corners of my wounds that the light hadn’t quite entered, the deep embedded trauma hidden beneath the surface, the fear and mistrust of humanity. I called her my shadow warrior, because with her by my side, there was no journey I wasn’t willing to take. The more I showed up, the more she grew into the beautiful, playful, wise and wonderful hound that she is now. Not only did she help me to heal my trauma, but she guided me to the awareness behind the ego mind. How? Because she arrived as a creature of pure Being. Barely domesticated, certainly not trained and definitely not well acquainted with human communication. When trying to connect through the mind, it simply didn’t reach her. She couldn’t comprehend it. She showed me the importance of resting in Soul as that was the only place where we spoke the same language. Most people think I’m joking when I say she’s my guru, but if you know you know. That’s my companion through every lifetime, every challenge, and that is why resting in silence in vast empty spaces with her by my side is my favourite pastime.
So yeah, there are many roads that lead to the union of oneself with the presence of God within, but those were mine. The Mother infiltrated my life, but Father had his place too. You see? They are two parts of the same whole. A perfect balance of masculine and feminine. And until we start to recognise how this exists within us, the external world will reflect this imbalance.
We see the feminine disregarded constantly through society and at what cost?
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Take a look at Christianity. It was Mary who birthed the son of God, was it not? So why is it sometimes so hard to find her in the stained glass and statues of the churches here in the UK? Perhaps somebody is afraid she might remind women how infinitely powerful they are. Doesn't every mother birth a child of God?
The education system. Why are academic subjects given so much more importance than creativity? Because creativity doesn’t fit into the rigid structures that a patriarchal society creates. Creativity flows outside of the boxes and sets the spirit free.
I could go on but ultimately, I am certain that the disregard of the feminine is the direct root cause of all war and destruction on the planet. Yeah, I said it. And the more we dishonour these feminine qualities within ourselves and our daily lives, the more we contribute to this very fact. Though it’s not about blaming each other and it’s certainly not about blaming ourselves, it’s about taking responsibility for the fact we do have the power to change this. By taking care of ourselves and being willing to look into our inner worlds, we can understand that the level of peace we witness within is in direct correlation to the level of harmonious living we see in the world. It’s simple maths.
The more people who prioritise inner peace, the more harmony we create in consciousness.
So why are we still running?
Stop for a minute, take a look around. Is this really the life you want to lead? Or could there be a little more space for the simple pleasures of the human experience? The very things we decided to incarnate here for. If you’re not sure, then find a moment to ask the Mother. See what she has to say. My bet is that you’ll be glad you did.
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You can listen to my song 'Okay Mama' that was inspired by this story here.