XIII. Zahir
The all consuming Zahir
I didn’t know it would feel like this
A magical surprise, I thought
But instead
I feel it all
I feel that you love another
I feel that the door is closed
Just for a minute
I know
But still it hurts
But I feel that you understand
Now you are protecting me
I feel that we are solid
I feel that we can move this mountain
We will not run
Only hold strong
In patience and knowing
XIV. Separation
The separation bears heavy on my Soul
The waves of grief they come and go
One minute I am strong
Untouchable, independent
Everything is for the best
And then the grief will strike me down
Back to wondering why
I ask my heart but she cannot answer
I ask yours
And your silence is a blow to the chest
I hear you asking, how I can grieve
A love that bore no fruit
But in my world
The fruit was ripe and ready
It seems we were not eating from the same tree
I saw you there, I thought
A fantasy with precision
Each moment designed to grasp my heart
In its weakest places
And I gave it to you.
Why?
Because I thought you would take care of it
A projection of God’s true love
But it was not mine for the taking
Yet here comes the reality
The truth of how deeply I have learned to love
The walls I have broken down
The wounds I have torn open and reconciled
The door to my heart
It opens again and again
To overcome the fear
Of the pain love will inevitably bring
XV. I will understand
Fearlessness. Openness.
A tragedy in the making
But a blessing in disguise
And when the pain has passed
And the mask is out of sight
I will understand
Why I had to love you
And lose you
Another time